Sharing my story (the truth)

Public speaking is scary for a lot of people, for a lot of different reasons. For some people, their fear is so debilitating, that they spend their entire lives avoiding it. For others, it’s a natural-born gift, and they thrive off the adrenaline rush. I would say for me, I land somewhere in the middle. I don’t hate it, but I certainly don’t love it either. The reason that it’s hard for me personally, is exactly that – it’s me, and I’m hard on me. I can be a bit of a perfectionist, a bit obsessive, and a bit of an over-thinker, and those three qualities can be a brutal combination for public anything. Plain and simple, being in the center of it all is just not my thing. I prefer to blend in. After college, most of us leave our public speaking days behind us. Unless giving presentations or speeches is part of your job description, many of us don’t have to worry about all of those eyes starring up at us, waiting for you to say something interesting. Up until recently, I thought I would be a part of the majority, and I was good with that. When you have a friend like Colleen, you will never be part of the majority.

Anyone who follows me on any level has probably heard about my friend Colleen, and her non-profit organization, SCOTT Foundation. If you are new to my blog however, you can catch yourself up on Colleen in two previous posts, “Differently Gifted” and “Speaking up for Gia“. I can promise you’ll hear her name again, and again and again!

Being asked by Colleen to share my story of Apraxia publicly at a SCOTT Foundation luncheon, was both exhilarating and taxing all at the same time. I love taking on new challenges that force me out of my comfort zone, but I equally hate failing at them. I can put so much pressure on myself, that it would be easier to just stay in my own little box that presents no real challenges (but that wouldn’t be much fun, would it?!). These are two sides of my brain that have battled each other since my early teenage years. So of course my first reaction to the opportunity is, “Of course I’ll make a speech! That sounds new and fun!”. Meanwhile, my husband is on the sidelines saying, “Oh god…here we go”. What can I say, he knows me well!

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The people that attend these luncheons are some of the most inspiring and selfless human beings I’ve ever had the privilege of meeting. Like myself, and like all of you, they all have a story. They are the perfect example of how we ourselves can control how our story ends. They have overcome their personal struggles by inspiring change and making a positive impact in their community. I was in such aw of this group after my first luncheon, that I called Colleen and told her I felt a little out of place. She somehow convinced me that I was not only worthy of sitting alongside these wonderful people, but that I was worthy of standing in front of them to share my story. How do you inspire, inspiring people? Well according to Colleen it’s simple, just be yourself! Do you know me but at all, Colleen?

I could have taken my speech in a few different directions, and one of the most difficult parts of preparing for it was deciding which direction I wanted to take. I kept going back to the idea that just one year ago, I would have never thought I would be in this space – a space of peace and acceptance. The world of Apraxia does not breed feelings of contentment, but rather quite the opposite. It’s a world of the unknown, that keeps you white-knuckling the edge of your seat. So how did I get here? Well, that gave me my answer. My story was much deeper than my daughter’s speech disorder, and I was going to tell it in it’s entirety. Essentially saying, here is where I was, here is where I am now, and here is how I got here. Writing that speech was therapeutic and reaffirming. I am there representing “What Would Gia Say?”, but “What Would Gia Say?” wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for the beginning and middle of my story, and I believe that now more than ever.

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Colleen and I right before my speech at the SCOTT Foundation luncheon.

My speech went well! I shared some things that I had never shared publicly before, and never thought I would. Sharing those things was the only real way to tell my true story. If I wanted people to fully understand how I got to this place of strength and optimism, I had to lead people down my path, and my path wasn’t always pretty. Yes, I cried through about half of it. They weren’t happy tears or sad tears. Speaking your truth is an overwhelming release, and that’s really where my tears came from. They were also tears for Gia. Not because of how difficult it is to have a child with Apraxia, but because of everything that child with Apraxia has taught me. Gia is the reason I had the courage to stand up there that day.

From the day I told Colleen about Gia’s diagnosis with Apraxia, there was two things she was determined to help me with: finding peace with my new reality, and raising awareness to the unknown disorder. Colleen regularly puts opportunities in front of me that have the potential to bring about awareness, make connections with others, and encourage personal growth. She leaves it up to me to take the opportunity or not. I’ve questioned and obsessed over every opportunity I’ve taken. but not once have I regretted taking one. I’m extending my path and adding chapters to my story, and that is the key to living a full and regret-free life.

Colleen built SCOTT Foundation from the ground up, not knowing anything about the non-profit community. She now selflessly takes her knowledge, connections and resources to others. She has a giving spirit and never wants a thing in return. Whether it’s someone looking to start a Foundation themselves, or someone who is simply going through a tough transition in their lives, she points them in the direction they need to go. She doesn’t lead them, she guides them. She doesn’t save them, she helps them save themselves. I’ve heard Colleen described as an angel more than once, and there are many people that would say she changed their life. Colleen doesn’t change lives, she changes people, and people change their lives.

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